This year I have taken a huge step back to evaluate where I have been, where I am going, and where I want to be. Am I doing what I do because it's what I want to do or am I doing what I do because it's what I think I'm supposed to be doing/what people expect me to do. Ten years ago if you had asked me what I would want to be I would have told you a doctor...a brain surgeon (not kidding)...or my back up...a college professor teaching biology. Never! Ever! did I think I would end up in a 70 year old farm house full of kids, laughter, and dirt and be perfectly content.
This past year I had an absolute break down because I could not juggle everything that I felt was expected of me. Seeing how other moms were winning in pretty much every category made me feel inadequate. While they were out with their well behaved kids and spotless homes, I was slumped down in a peanut butter and jelly stained couch surrounded by legos and dirty clothes that had made a home on the floor of my living room for the past 4 days. I couldn't figure out how to get into a routine much less maintain it all while being perfectly sane and investing 100% of myself into my children and husband. When my sweet husband finally told me I needed to seek help because he could see I was sinking, I started looking for a counselor.
Fast forward 6 months and you wouldn't believe I had come from such a dark, depressing slump. The sad part is there is no telling if or when that slump will come back. But here's the kicker, I'm not the only wife, mother, or PERSON who has gone through this very thing. And a few months ago God gave me a verse that has pressed me forward to share about this weakness...
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
2 Corintians 12:9
God has been slowly opening my eyes to my little heaven here and I have thankfully been able to take in much more of every sweet moment and the beauty around me. The precious peace that I have been praying for has finally met me where I'm at. Although I'm not sure how long it will last because trials do come, I am blessed to be where I'm at, what I am, and what I have become.
With this new look on life and a stronger confidence in who I am, I have taken a liking to a new hobby. Gardening! It has consumed me! But it's not just gardening...it's raising chickens. Cows. Soap Making. Sewing. Stocking my pantry with things we have grown. Canning. Pretty much everything and anything that has to do with homesteading. I am obsessed y'all!
We have grown everything in the garden this year (with an exception of the purple heirloom tomatoes) from seed. From SEED! Something I never thought I could do! We always just went and visited the big box stores to stock up on plants that we knew nothing about.
I go out in my garden every day, sometimes twice a day, just to look at all the beautiful things God has allowed to grow in our little plot.
The colors of everything and being able to physically put my hands on it all gives me such a great sense of accomplishment I've never been able to experience.
So while the house continues to grow into a bottomless pit of toys and dirty dishes, I find my comfort in my garden and the treasured giggles coming out of the sand box not too far from it.
I hope this post has in some way blessed you. Take time to find what you love and dive into it full heartedly. The laundry mountain can wait, underwear can be turned inside out (only kidding!), but taking in what the Lord has given to you could pass you by. Take in the beauty of every season. He is blessing you friend. His grace is all around you. You just need Him to pick you up out of your weakness so that you can see His perfection around you.
