Monday, September 11, 2017

My fruit trees are not being very fruitful

At this time in the end of summer season, we are normally picking pears. I love to make pear sauce, pear butter, and plain ole canned pears. It has been almost tradition in August for me and the kids to go out early in the morning to pick pears so that they could be peeled, sliced, and cooked to make all sorts of delicious goodies. However...this year my pear tree is on strike. I don't think I can find one single pear. I know! Ridiculous right?! Here's the kicker. It's not just one of my trees. It's all of my trees. And not only my pears trees but my satsuma tree and fig tree. After having a crummy blueberry season, I feel like I'm being kicked in the gut while I'm still down. It's almost a feeling of defeat. Leaving me with questions of did I not fertilize them properly or fertilize them enough. Is it lack of water? No that could not be it with the amount of thunder storms we've been having. So, what is it??


Have you ever gone through something emotionally or spiritually and found that other things happening around you have an odd similarity? If you didn't already know, I lead the women's ministry at our church. I also (used to) have an online business. I devote a lot of my time to crafts, sewing, soap making, basically anything that lets me create something with my hands. But this year, since the beginning of January, I have had no drive. I felt a strong need to take a break from all of these things so I did. I stopped everything. And I mean everything! Just ask my husband. The whole house was a complete wreck. I felt like I had given so much of myself that nothing was left to give. I thought to myself that this break wouldn't last long. But two weeks turned into two months, two months turned into four, and here I am sitting in the end of August and I'm still not 100% back.


My father-in-law had told me one day that sometimes fruit trees don't bear fruit some years. Some years they may give you loads of fruit and others barely give you even one fruit. Fruit trees also aren't able to give fruit all year long. Some trees can give you two harvests a year while others traditionally only give you one harvest a year. People are the same way. The bible speaks a lot about fruit trees and it's similarities to mankind. "Be fruitful" the Lord says. "Good trees bear good fruit". As a Christian I find it my duty to always have a way to bear good fruit and do so multiple times. But have you ever just stopped and given yourself a season of rest.


Have you ever had a year where you have done countless good things (volunteering, starting up programs, hosting a dinner, put in hours of hard work)? How about a year where you feel like you haven't accomplished anything? And when we have years like that we tend to compare the not so great years with the really great years. Which leads to us beating ourselves up or getting burnt out. I had found myself burnt out. I couldn't physically do anything anymore. I was done. Just like all of the fruit trees on my property, I had nothing left to give. And in that I also found myself wallowing in self-pity, doubt, anger at myself, and sadness. Depression decided to sneak its way in. Kind of like a fungus on a tomato plant that creeps in on a dewy night and takes over the plant in a matter of days. That was me. Totally taken over. Feeling like I couldn't come back. I would lay in bed at night pleading to God to come help me climb out of the pit that I put myself in. I felt like He had abandoned me. 


Thankfully through the help of some very wise counselors in my church, they helped me realize that God will never abandon you. He is never ignoring you. He is merely waiting for you to come to Him. I had to put my pride aside and admit that I am not perfect. I wanted to sit in my pit and blame Him for putting me there. I wasn't coming out until He admitted his wrongdoing in not helping me when I was overwhelming myself. But God wants us to be reminded to have a season of rest just like the fruit trees. He is a gentleman and will wait for you to come to Him. To come to Him and say "Ok God...you were right...I'm overdoing it". Now I am not saying that you have to take a season of rest from everything you love and devote yourself to. But a little break from one things of the many we all do these days is good and almost demanded. However a time limit on those breaks is also essential. Just like the trees. They know when they need to rest, store up nutrients to create good fruit and bare fruit. Have you had enough of my analogy yet haha. But it is so true.


So take time for yourself. Remember that you will not always be bearing fruit and that's just fine. You will still be enough.